June 05, 2008

Can I Handle it?

A while ago, I read an article about a man who decided to divorce his wife but couldn't go through with it when he realized that he truly loved her and had stopped working on their intimacy.......... It was indeed a seemingly sweet story and ended up like a Disney fairy tale but I began to wonder about life and relationships.

You see, I cannot pride myself on being a relationship guru of any sort…..….. actually it is quite the contrary! Half the time, I have no clue what is going on. So please, ................don’t get me started on this path cos it is truly amusing!

Anyway, I have dusted up a few times and life indeed continued. And no matter the history or lack of history behind a break up, the sun just has a way of shinning the very next morning. :).

In a way, I think it’s a good thing but I wondered what would it be like to share your life with another in Holy matrimony and all the trappings, being faithful (like I know I would be) and one day he tells you he doesn't love you any more, doesn't want you because there’s someone else! e.t.c

I don’t care how much of a happy person I am because even my Super TGIT (thank God it's today) nature that is screaming unashamedly within me. Will Mother Nature cut me some slack and just sit this dawn out because I don’t know if I can rise up with the new sun!

I seem to be going through life with the sun firmly tucked under my arm but something tells me that as I am today, I would lack the emotional and mental maturity and/or integrity to handle such a situation.

I haven’t tied the notch yet but goodness, that must be the ultimate betrayal, ultimate rejection and I do not think that humans are made to be that flippant about such things no matter what my inexperienced mind tells me.

So the question is can I handle that? Actually, the question would be How can anyone handle it? Because I know I can’t!

Truthfully, I have never felt bitter or lashed out after a break up even when it seemed deserving. I would even be hard pressed to say a negative word about an Ex so anyone can conclude that I’d do o.k. but deep down I just know that it would kill me royally!!!

I am so not sure how any woman or man can cope with unfaithfulness in a marriage heightened with rejection. I don’t even like to watch gossip TV about stars and what they do or even read tabloids about such things. I still haven’t gotten over Nicole Kidman & Tom Cruise and how much more Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt and they are not even related to me!

Me! the miss happy go lucky, smiling ever after! Yes Me! It would wreck me and I can see it clearly.

So today, I have a new found respect for women and even men in such situations, how they take it and so many of them even get better for it and choose to let God help them turn their lives around. I think it is amazing

The wife in the story I read got a fairy tale ending and one friend of mine calls and says to me '………oh! what a sweet story, it makes me want to cry"....... but then I think of so many others who never got their happy ending and I get so scared because I just can't help feeling that such betrayal should never even happen in the first place.

I believe that ''Weeds'' will always attempt to grow in a field, but a responsible farmer does not leave them to flourish and compete for nutrients with his crops. He will be observant and care enough to pluck them and throw them away because he cherishes his crops and that’s what makes him what he is. Weeds will always come, in our work life, relationships, finances e.t.c but each one of us has a responsibility. Unfortunately, in this age where accountability is low on our list of priorities; we hear all kinds of excuses where farmers even blame the crop when things are not faring too well. The grass will always look greener outside as long we stop watching over ours.

I pray not to be in shoes like I read and I hope for the Men and Women out there, faithful, patient, taking care of their families. I pray for strength, I pray for grace in the face of situations that seem so heavy to bear. I don't believe God instituted marriage so that we can make each other miserable so I hope we each find purpose in our lives, relationships and marriages.

Even more I sincerely pray for those of us yet to be married that we meet and marry the right partners and that we are patient and wise enough to wait for the right one at the right time. A friend of mine recently told me that he didn’t think I was the wife for him. I know it is hardly the melody we love to hear but believe me those were one of the kindest words spoken. For after all is said and done, would it not have been deeply cruel to hear it in ten or twenty years time? I think of all the people I have been friends with, his directness will always be more applauded than fancy words we tell each other these days.

I still don’t know anything about relationships, it is possible that I never would but one thing I know is that we are on the same side. We all want to love and be loved. The husband in the story just thought he had found love somewhere else but God never intended Misery and Fear and Shame in Love.

The weeds are out there and they don’t stop growing just because……………..so it starts now. Today we choose whether our lives will be well watered gardens as God intended or scary forests with no one passing through! So I am bracing myself up, I have some real farming to tend to! And God help us all!

What Lies within

I couldn't think of a better come back than the write-up below titled "What Lies Within"! It’s everything I have grown through in the past 2 years and an excellent reminder that there's so much that lays within me (& in each of us), so much I must not keep hidden and so much I can and will accomplish.

It is the time between that lends wisdom and substance to our words and I believe that I have grown so much that the diamond in me glints beneath the surface of all I am and do. For beyond the smile, the looks, the talks and even beyond the person that I think I am, is a human master piece that unfolds in true beauty and divine excellence as each swipe of the Painter’s brush strokes my destiny bringing me to life, giving me form in even areas I didn't know existed and creating hues of perfection only love could have deemed possible!


Did you know about the “Carbon?”
Long before he became a Diamond?
He was born in the abyss, dark and unknown
Till the miner dug him from his sanctuary and took him away
As if that wasn’t bad enough, he put him in a very hot place full of pain
And to look at him…...., you would think he was nothing
But that was not the end of him….
For after a time, he began to glitter after glow until he emerged a sparkling gemstone
With a luster so brilliant, they gave him a new name
Please do not assume this a lucky break, for in truth he always was a Diamond on the inside

Did you hear about the caterpillar, before she became a butterfly?
She crawled in the debris of the earth, unliked by all
Even the children would not play with her
What had she done so wrong, what past burden did she now bear?
As if her troubles were not enough, one day she was cocooned in a tight mast of liquid
And to gaze at her………, you would only see her seeming lack of worth
But I tell you, that was only her beginning…..
For as she broke free, she emerged one of nature’s most striking transformations
So beautiful, she flew into the sunlight with the rainbow on her wings & the children on her heels!

A metamorphosis we say but what we thought was the end of her world, is today a “butterfly” 1

I could tell you about the beautiful swans but the duck wasn’t one of them
Ungainly and gawky, she was not comely to gaze upon, but you probably know this story
So I will ask a question: Can you tell what grace lies within a soul?
Can you trust the depth of a man rather than the mere look of him? 2
For our world is filled with diverse people whether carbon, caterpillar or duck
But the fears of life’s treacherous disappointments keep us from looking deeper or trying harder
In the end, we learnt to trust only to the extent of what we can see, feel and think we know
An irony in itself when even nature opens her floodgates with faith despite obvious challenges
And oh!.... what great treasures she often reaps
Small wonder our lives feel empty and void of loves true riches
For how can we reap if we do not sow and how can we sow if we only watch the clouds?
3

It is time we unlearn yesterday and with patience look past our preconceptions
To a place where with sacrifice we inevitably remove the bars in our minds
And start to draw out as in “oil” every potential precious treasure that is buried in each of us
For we are Masterpieces in production and our design is in the hands of a Master Craftsman
Perhaps we are not quite finished yet; Maybe waiting, in progress or seemingly flawed
Yet deep inside, beyond the current arrangement of events,
Is a worth so intrinsic, it is imbedded in our very nature
After all, what is a weed but a plant whose virtues are yet to be discovered
4
So, the rough edges may still be visible but there is a truth that must no more stay hidden
That like the seed sown today ultimately becomes tomorrow’s harvest
Then, it is in valuing the positive in us and each other that we reap a future we are proud of
A future that already lies, not just in some of us but in every one of us!
5, 6

Inspirations
1Phrase inspired by Richard Bach in his quote - “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a Butterfly” 2Phrase inspired by the movie ‘Remember the Titians’ - “We have to learn to trust the soul of a man rather than the look of him.” 3Phrase inspired from the book of Ecclesiastes – “Whoever watches the clouds will not sow and whoever watches the wind will not reap”. 4Phrase inspired by Ralph Emeldo Emerson in his quote - “What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered”. 5Phrase inspired by Marianne Williamson in her poem “Our deepest fears”. 6Writing inspired by Life