June 05, 2008

Can I Handle it?

A while ago, I read an article about a man who decided to divorce his wife but couldn't go through with it when he realized that he truly loved her and had stopped working on their intimacy.......... It was indeed a seemingly sweet story and ended up like a Disney fairy tale but I began to wonder about life and relationships.

You see, I cannot pride myself on being a relationship guru of any sort…..….. actually it is quite the contrary! Half the time, I have no clue what is going on. So please, ................don’t get me started on this path cos it is truly amusing!

Anyway, I have dusted up a few times and life indeed continued. And no matter the history or lack of history behind a break up, the sun just has a way of shinning the very next morning. :).

In a way, I think it’s a good thing but I wondered what would it be like to share your life with another in Holy matrimony and all the trappings, being faithful (like I know I would be) and one day he tells you he doesn't love you any more, doesn't want you because there’s someone else! e.t.c

I don’t care how much of a happy person I am because even my Super TGIT (thank God it's today) nature that is screaming unashamedly within me. Will Mother Nature cut me some slack and just sit this dawn out because I don’t know if I can rise up with the new sun!

I seem to be going through life with the sun firmly tucked under my arm but something tells me that as I am today, I would lack the emotional and mental maturity and/or integrity to handle such a situation.

I haven’t tied the notch yet but goodness, that must be the ultimate betrayal, ultimate rejection and I do not think that humans are made to be that flippant about such things no matter what my inexperienced mind tells me.

So the question is can I handle that? Actually, the question would be How can anyone handle it? Because I know I can’t!

Truthfully, I have never felt bitter or lashed out after a break up even when it seemed deserving. I would even be hard pressed to say a negative word about an Ex so anyone can conclude that I’d do o.k. but deep down I just know that it would kill me royally!!!

I am so not sure how any woman or man can cope with unfaithfulness in a marriage heightened with rejection. I don’t even like to watch gossip TV about stars and what they do or even read tabloids about such things. I still haven’t gotten over Nicole Kidman & Tom Cruise and how much more Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt and they are not even related to me!

Me! the miss happy go lucky, smiling ever after! Yes Me! It would wreck me and I can see it clearly.

So today, I have a new found respect for women and even men in such situations, how they take it and so many of them even get better for it and choose to let God help them turn their lives around. I think it is amazing

The wife in the story I read got a fairy tale ending and one friend of mine calls and says to me '………oh! what a sweet story, it makes me want to cry"....... but then I think of so many others who never got their happy ending and I get so scared because I just can't help feeling that such betrayal should never even happen in the first place.

I believe that ''Weeds'' will always attempt to grow in a field, but a responsible farmer does not leave them to flourish and compete for nutrients with his crops. He will be observant and care enough to pluck them and throw them away because he cherishes his crops and that’s what makes him what he is. Weeds will always come, in our work life, relationships, finances e.t.c but each one of us has a responsibility. Unfortunately, in this age where accountability is low on our list of priorities; we hear all kinds of excuses where farmers even blame the crop when things are not faring too well. The grass will always look greener outside as long we stop watching over ours.

I pray not to be in shoes like I read and I hope for the Men and Women out there, faithful, patient, taking care of their families. I pray for strength, I pray for grace in the face of situations that seem so heavy to bear. I don't believe God instituted marriage so that we can make each other miserable so I hope we each find purpose in our lives, relationships and marriages.

Even more I sincerely pray for those of us yet to be married that we meet and marry the right partners and that we are patient and wise enough to wait for the right one at the right time. A friend of mine recently told me that he didn’t think I was the wife for him. I know it is hardly the melody we love to hear but believe me those were one of the kindest words spoken. For after all is said and done, would it not have been deeply cruel to hear it in ten or twenty years time? I think of all the people I have been friends with, his directness will always be more applauded than fancy words we tell each other these days.

I still don’t know anything about relationships, it is possible that I never would but one thing I know is that we are on the same side. We all want to love and be loved. The husband in the story just thought he had found love somewhere else but God never intended Misery and Fear and Shame in Love.

The weeds are out there and they don’t stop growing just because……………..so it starts now. Today we choose whether our lives will be well watered gardens as God intended or scary forests with no one passing through! So I am bracing myself up, I have some real farming to tend to! And God help us all!

What Lies within

I couldn't think of a better come back than the write-up below titled "What Lies Within"! It’s everything I have grown through in the past 2 years and an excellent reminder that there's so much that lays within me (& in each of us), so much I must not keep hidden and so much I can and will accomplish.

It is the time between that lends wisdom and substance to our words and I believe that I have grown so much that the diamond in me glints beneath the surface of all I am and do. For beyond the smile, the looks, the talks and even beyond the person that I think I am, is a human master piece that unfolds in true beauty and divine excellence as each swipe of the Painter’s brush strokes my destiny bringing me to life, giving me form in even areas I didn't know existed and creating hues of perfection only love could have deemed possible!

Did you know about the “Carbon?”
Long before he became a Diamond?
He was born in the abyss, dark and unknown
Till the miner dug him from his sanctuary and took him away
As if that wasn’t bad enough, he put him in a very hot place full of pain
And to look at him…...., you would think he was nothing
But that was not the end of him….
For after a time, he began to glitter after glow until he emerged a sparkling gemstone
With a luster so brilliant, they gave him a new name
Please do not assume this a lucky break, for in truth he always was a Diamond on the inside

Did you hear about the caterpillar, before she became a butterfly?
She crawled in the debris of the earth, unliked by all
Even the children would not play with her
What had she done so wrong, what past burden did she now bear?
As if her troubles were not enough, one day she was cocooned in a tight mast of liquid
And to gaze at her………, you would only see her seeming lack of worth
But I tell you, that was only her beginning…..
For as she broke free, she emerged one of nature’s most striking transformations
So beautiful, she flew into the sunlight with the rainbow on her wings & the children on her heels!

A metamorphosis we say but what we thought was the end of her world, is today a “butterfly” 1

I could tell you about the beautiful swans but the duck wasn’t one of them
Ungainly and gawky, she was not comely to gaze upon, but you probably know this story
So I will ask a question: Can you tell what grace lies within a soul?
Can you trust the depth of a man rather than the mere look of him? 2
For our world is filled with diverse people whether carbon, caterpillar or duck
But the fears of life’s treacherous disappointments keep us from looking deeper or trying harder
In the end, we learnt to trust only to the extent of what we can see, feel and think we know
An irony in itself when even nature opens her floodgates with faith despite obvious challenges
And oh!.... what great treasures she often reaps
Small wonder our lives feel empty and void of loves true riches
For how can we reap if we do not sow and how can we sow if we only watch the clouds?

It is time we unlearn yesterday and with patience look past our preconceptions
To a place where with sacrifice we inevitably remove the bars in our minds
And start to draw out as in “oil” every potential precious treasure that is buried in each of us
For we are Masterpieces in production and our design is in the hands of a Master Craftsman
Perhaps we are not quite finished yet; Maybe waiting, in progress or seemingly flawed
Yet deep inside, beyond the current arrangement of events,
Is a worth so intrinsic, it is imbedded in our very nature
After all, what is a weed but a plant whose virtues are yet to be discovered
So, the rough edges may still be visible but there is a truth that must no more stay hidden
That like the seed sown today ultimately becomes tomorrow’s harvest
Then, it is in valuing the positive in us and each other that we reap a future we are proud of
A future that already lies, not just in some of us but in every one of us!
5, 6

1Phrase inspired by Richard Bach in his quote - “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a Butterfly” 2Phrase inspired by the movie ‘Remember the Titians’ - “We have to learn to trust the soul of a man rather than the look of him.” 3Phrase inspired from the book of Ecclesiastes – “Whoever watches the clouds will not sow and whoever watches the wind will not reap”. 4Phrase inspired by Ralph Emeldo Emerson in his quote - “What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered”. 5Phrase inspired by Marianne Williamson in her poem “Our deepest fears”. 6Writing inspired by Life

September 26, 2006

Caterpillar or Butterfly; What's the difference?

I am just having a bad start to a great day. It doesn't mean anything.

When the day starts out with a storm and the clouds above dark, does it mean that the sun won't shine?

Yes, my day didn't start at all great. My confidence was in shreds and my thoughts.........even worse but i just realised, It doesn't really matter.

Remember, it started the day as a catterpillar and ended up a butterfly?

I feel the sun rising on my smile!

True, i need to make some changes in my life but is that enough reason to thrash myself?

There are enough people in the world who have that job, i don't need to be one of them!

I have a responsibility to defend and believe in me so if I do not value me now who should?

Catterpillar or butterfly; What's the difference

Because one looks more beautiful than the other?

I prayed for a beautiful day and God answered by reminding me that i am beautiful and i can make my day so anytime i choose

So i choose now because afterall, the sun's already risen on my smile!

Caterpillar or butterfly; I rock my world!

September 19, 2006

Words make wars

Why is the world such a complex place or rather why do we humans make simple things look and seem complex. Are we just hungry for "issues" in our lives & a chance to complain about something.....anything?

I am intrigued. A whole series of events just unfolded right infront of me and i am amazed at the outcomes!

What is wrong with us. I inclusive!

And all the time, there was nothing to anything but words. Just words. Word is indeed power. They seemed like only words but in our surface like world, words indeed make wars!

And that is such a shame. Because most times we never mean to hurt or create unpleasantness but we let our complex minds churn and distort even the simple facts

It's intriguing because my sincere intention was to give a compliment but unfortunately the same words meant an insult for someone else.

I guess i should have known better but i am still baffled.

But truthfully, it's not all about me so here's a lesson to watch my words or perhaps learn to communicate better. Yes, unfortunately it takes the fun out of been sponteaneous if we have to always put our words through a miscroscope since others can't see our intentions (Good or Bad)

But perhaps, thats even the simplicity to things. Simply watch my words since words are all i have to keep a heart with me.

I want to make friends not wars!

September 14, 2006

Why the lion roars

To my friend who is stressed at work,

Do you know why i opted to wait at the bank for over 2 hours yesterday?
I was trying to train myself to be very patient with people.
When it seems like they are incompetent, simply obnoxious or whatever it is they do that may potientially irritate, annoy, aggravate or stress anyone, i want to maintain my disposition, be patient, understanding, even kind and still keep that smile
So that no matter what is happening around me, I stay the same person and as cheerful as the sun in the rain

I can't say that i know the depth of what you, my friend is going through right now because unless i walk in your shoes i can't tell where it itches (and besides we wear different sizes so i won't even feel the itch like you do) but human nature is the same everywhere - we all want to be happy!!!!

Fortunately, happiness doesnt come like that.

Why fortunately? Because we each can create it! So often in life, we need to take up that responsibility to ourselves and just do it; instead of allowing others create unhappiness around us.

To stop blaming others and situations for our unhappiness is maturity.

Your life is beautiful when you look at it beyond the maze of the present arrangement of events

Reasons are at the most excuses, we each have what it takes. No body was born happy! I wasn't. But i have made it a part of my life just like talking. I believed in myself, understanding that i could and with God's help i took happiness by force.

Why? Because, it is not a passive action. The Lion Roars!!! It has its weaknesses but in that one "Roar", It emphasizes all of its strengths without effort.

My dear friend, believe in yourself and project it. wherever you are coming from, remember that you couldn't help it but please help the next steps you take. The past is over lets not overflog it, When the sun rises in the morning does it say."...... yesterday at night; the moon took my shine, i am too weak, does anyone remember that i was there first, that i even set, i will not rise today, infact am i still the sun, are my rays strong enough to light the world?" No it doesnt! It rises morning after morning with all it's glory and brightness.

So should you

Just like the sun doesn't compare to the moon even though they are both constellations. So u can't compare to anyone else

You are a lovely person. Appreciate all the fine qualitiies you have. Thats the starting point to believing in yourself. You will always have faults but do you appreciate the you that you are right now? Do you believe in that person? We all have faults, i have mine.....stop putting your weak points above who you are and can be.

If you can't love yourself today what makes you think you will tomorow?
If you don't learn to be happy today how will you be happy tomorow?

Go out there and roar with cheer, create your climate around you and perhaps one day, in the not too distant future, you may meet a friend in need and you will confidently pass this along truth on because you recreated Beautiful, Confident, Kind, Patient and HAPPY You!

September 13, 2006


The days went by without a memory
No proof that they ever were
Only dirty linen piled for the laundry
The smiles we wear like faded curtains
Hanging for all to see
But no one really notices
The walls of despair they hide beneath
Dancing around in circles
The Mask: We learnt to wear through time
The Smile: A gift from birth
I wonder which is worse

And I wonder who that is?

A life of quotes

I love quotes.
Words of wisdom by men and women before me.
Some have defined me; made me laugh, helped me understand, taught me to accept, guided me to think, inspired me to be better, showed me possibilities, encouraged growth......
Oh! the power of the spoken word!
And today i want to unveil some of my favorites
Everyday has been a better day as i learnt to look at life more like a beautiful scene than a sad song; A joyful dance rather than a long walk!; A patient friend rather than an absent foe.
Life is beautiful indeed. It can be tough but i am lucky i have had alot of good teachers in some of these quotes..........

In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous - Aristotle

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered - Ralph Waldo Emerson

In the depth of winter I finally learnt that there was in me an invincible summer
- Albert Calmus

Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears - Marcus Aurelius

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right - Mary Kay Ash

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway - Mary Kay Ash

Let not your mind run on what you lack as much as on what you have already - Marcus Aurelius

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Because a thing seems difficult for you, do not think it impossible for anyone to accomplish - Marcus Aurelius

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend - Albert Camus

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured - Mark Twain

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then beleive them to be true - Buddha

Apparently, there is nothing that cannot happen today - Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog - Mark Twain

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you watch the clouds, you will not sow; If you watch the wind, You will not reap - The bible

Smile, it looks so beautiful on you - Albibie

September 12, 2006

Right Here, Right Now

I took a look at my past, 5 years before – University, graduation, NYSC, first Job e.t.c and I smiled. Those were beautiful moments, great times.
But did I know it then? Did I believe it then? The answer is NO!
Is that human nature? where we don’t know what we have till we loose it?
We don’t appreciate who we are and where we are until it’s gone?
That’s when I realized - I don’t want to look back again 5 years from today and realize that I had so so much and I didn’t even see it, value me or appreciate anything – who I am, where, what and why.
Today, I see clearly and there was so much more I was and didn’t know or believe, so much I could have done, could have been save for my fears, doubts, complaints and worries of the future.
And the future did happen!
How come I never looked very long at the positives and I only see them now?
I don’t want to do that to my today. I want to live life at its fullest, be myself, be happy, be grateful for everyday.
Fear only keeps you back, doubt belittles who you really are, unbelief gives you no credit for who you can be and its time I faced it head on and not from the sidelines.
I know I have changed much from who I used to be and even gotten better along the way but I can get even better.
Looking back, I see how truly lucky I was (I still am), how fortunate, how lovely, how precious I the days.
Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t regret anything because somehow I believe it’s all been a lesson in growth but I won’t let history repeat itself.
I never liked history anyway!
So what can I do to change all that, live to the fullest, be the best me today that I can be instead of waiting another 5 years to realize that today was indeed my golden moment.
Whatever it takes, I will give it to be that person who looks today as it were 10 years after and glow at the glory of it all.
That will be to me the gift of a life and I believe that I can have that.
Let today be the best day of my existence.
If everything I have ever faced was to bring me to this point, then it was worth it so I can live the rest of my life really living and not merely existing.
Right here, right now is the most precious moment of my existence and I won’t wait 5 years to see that, to accept and believe that.
I am doing it today!
There's still so much stiring in my heart begging to leap free but i lack the words to capture it completely
Hopefully I understand even if in a little way what and who I ultimately need to be and do because Right here, Right now is the best that I will ever be.
Help me God!

September 08, 2006


I just realised; at the end of it all, there is always a new begining!

Simply put, what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, is indeed the butterfly.

I like the transformation. Actually i love it.

I will learn all that i can but mostly, i will enjoy the flight

Just thinking

I may not have gotten where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be!

September 06, 2006

Something is happening

I think i am changing in so many ways. I don't know what it is but i am different. It's in the little things, the way i talk, think, my attitudes......... Like i was in some cocoon and i suddenly broke free. It's perfect.

Sometimes you worry about stuff and the truth is, it doesn't matter. Never did and never will. I know now that If and when i worry, i only do it because i want to and not because i have to. and that can apply for just about any situation. Bottom line.........I have a choice and it's up to me to make.

I am probably not making sense but it's somewhere inside of me. I feel stronger, better. I am stronger, no doubt.

Anyway got to go. Just wanted to do some unveiling.

June 19, 2006

When death happens

I lost a friend a few days ago.

Well, I never actually met her physically. She got married to a good friend of mine but it was painful to hear. Really painful. I still haven’t called him. I don’t know what to say. How to say anything for that matter.

What gets to me the most is the way things just seem normal. After all, the sun rose like it would on any other day. The same smiles on the faces that greet you. Or frowns! Yet death happens.

Three months we spent in the training school. Three months of unmasking. Three months of laughter, arguments, tests and hugs. Three months of friendship. Now it’s three years later and tragedy.

Just like that. Like I said, I never met his wife, I didn’t need to, to feel. No one deserves this kind of grief. There is no manual to deal with trauma. These dirty little games life throws at us. Yet it happens time and time again.

Personally I have witnessed death, my brother, my friend, my sister in law. Each thought me a different lesson. But truly did I need death to teach me what I needed to know. I think not. Where does one start from? What do I say to him?

I felt so empty inside. Then I thought; ‘what would HE be feeling’? Married a few months ago. Just began a new life and family and wham! The rug is snatched right under his feet. With a baby to care for.

Or am I the one who is taking it too far?

Death? It has its sting but the world moves on like it always does.

Like everything else in my reality, I have to deal with it.

June 06, 2006

My dream last night

I remember the first time I saw him. I was with a friend and she tugged me saying “that’s him, that’s the guy I was telling you about” I took a look, tall, fair, a nap sack slung over his shoulders, t-shirt, jeans, boots and an ear phone. “Weird” I thought and put him off my mind. It was my first year in the university and he was supposed to be some sort of femme fatale but i didn't know him, he was nobody to me

Second semester, second year, I met Mr Weird. We were introduced, I vaguely remembered him from before. He smiled at me with such childlike enthusiasm, i couldn't help not liking him immediately. Easily the best looking guy I had ever set eyes on. Actually still is!

Next thing i know, he's every where i am..........was he stalking me? I wish! Anyway he was always there armed with ‘the smile’.

So i learnt he was rather nice, generous and could make me bend over with laughter effortlessly. So we laughed together, ate together, walked together, read together, and even went to church together but…….

…….there was this underlying message, we never talked about it but we both acknowledged, understood and accepted it - We were just friends and nothing more.

Thats how i learnt the value of a friend.

That with a friend, i have nothing to fear. Everything to trust
That i had gained a brother, a best friend and everything in between.
A friend will treat you like the most important person in the World.
And teach you about life
With a friend, you will know you are beautiful.

I can’t write about all the arguments we had or the making up that was even better. The smiles. The hugs. The caring. The lessons learnt.

I remember the day he left the country. It was like any other except that I finally realized that I was in love and I never even knew it. I cried all the way back to school. I cried for all the hugs I never gave, all the times he wanted to hold my hand and I felt it was too public, I cried for getting angry because he gave what was mine to a friend in need. I cried for all the times I said I was too busy studying and he’d just sit there watching me. I cried for all the words I never said. Yes, we had our issues but there was something that always kept us long after we should have quit and that’s why I cried, because I let him leave and I knew that I would never see him again. At least not in the same way I saw him that very last time and I was right. I never saw him again until my dream last night.

I had a dream last night. How real it seemed to me. We sat side by side in the park, the one close to the auditorium.
Beneath the tree’s canopy. We talked about the old times. The good, the bad and in between. We cried a little, we laughed so hard, as we reminisced about our yesterdays.
You looked deep in my eyes while we spoke. The way you always do and I felt so alive and vibrant with you so close by me.
Then the sun shifted her sit and we got up to take a walk, side by side beneath the heavens. I heard you say “I love you” and what a joy it was to have me in your life.
I whispered back in return. But you laughed when I said those words. I wondered why you did yet I didn’t ask, I kept silent and I never asked
You kept on talking, you always did that and I let you go on talking. “It’s getting late” you finally finished and kissed me on my lips.
I barely called out your name but I felt you walk away, fading from my view until you disappeared into the distance and that’s when I realized how much you meant to me and all the things I longed to say to you.
But you never heard those words cos I never saw you again. Until last night when I had a dream.

Thank you for giving me the best days of my life. You were my first true love. I feel sorry I never said those words but I wouldn’t want to change anything now. We’ve both gone our separate ways. I respect that and more. I only wanted to say that you were beautiful. You probably still are! You were good to me and I never even said thank you. I think this is my way of saying goodbye!

In the depth of winter.....................

My alarm rings at 5.45am & I jump out of bed. It’s a Monday morning. I put the water to heat & reset my alarm for 5.55am….. “There must be an easier way to earn a living” I think! Alright, fine. I am not just trying to earn a living, I am actually trying to live & not merely exist but sometimes that alarm can be a challenge.

Anyway, I am more perky than most mornings which is good so I really don’t need to psyche myself so much & remind myself what a great life I have in spite of the “other” issues I face & how I have come so far & it will get better. Anyway, it’s a quarter past 6 & I am ready to go to the office. Wearing all black as usual. That color doesn’t say anything about my mood. I just like to wear black. It’s simply less stress & of cos it makes me look slimmer.

No make up for me today. I must be trying to get in tune with my inner self. And I am thinking about my life as I drive into V.I. Where did the days go? I remember Katung and the =N=14M the guy just won on big brother. I was telling my in-laws yesterday that it doesn’t seem like much money to me. It really still doesn’t. The only thing I can think of is school!

With that money, I will go to school & have myself a master or 2 & make some good investments. I am not quite the business type or so I think right now. Then another thought hits me…..Is it possible to get a scholarship from a bank to go to school? I will try to find out & if it is I will definitely do it.

So many thoughts going through my mind. I know it’s partly because of the way the weekend went. It was good, I am honestly not complaining. Infact I make a solemn promise from this moment; no more complaints about anything or anybody.

But this morning, I ask myself questions I never ask……will I ever get married? Have children? Have a masters? Loose weight? Get a job at Mobil or Chevron? Earn =N=8M per annum? What will I look like in five years? Where will I be? Who will I be? What will I be doing? Would I like myself in 5 years? Will I still have this smile? This attitude?

I don’t know.

I wish I could say different but that would be such a lie that I don’t dare. I can’t answer any of these questions. I never do. I know what I want but I fear that I would never get to it. Maybe later. But not now. I am suddenly afraid. Afraid of everything. The future, even right now.

I don’t have much fight in me so I began to look at the world or rather life like one big comedy. I laugh a lot and smile at that which I don’t understand or don’t have. That’s my defence, since I finally realized that life really is not a bed of roses. Life is tough and I am not. I won’t kid myself. I am not tough at all. I have a big heart and I never learnt to fight back so I take it and I simply tell myself to deal with it.

I deal with it! Everyday. Just that. I am dealing with life even if I really have no answers. I am not here to have a pity party.

No! What’s there to pity, I am a great great girl amongst other qualities. (even if I have to say so myself) And I believe that I am grown past that. It’s more or else reminiscing or cleansing. Take your pick. Because a long time ago I came to terms with myself. Accepted what & who I am. Truthfully, I love who I am and I am glad that I do. And I truly believe rain or shine, I will be fine. And of cos my favorite quote is by Albert Calmus & it says “In the depth of winter I finally realized there is in me an invisible summer”.

I have a whole lot ahead of me and like I tell myself everyday, I have come so far, I will go so far.

June 01, 2006


Accent - None that I know of
Booze - Mostly water & ice
Chore I hate - Folding clothes
Dogs/Cats - Neither
Essential electronics - Laptop
Favorite Perfume - Anything goes. Haven't developed the art yet!!!
Gold/Silver - Silver (all that shine!)
Hometown - Okrika
Insomnia - I’m quite pillow friendly
Job Title - Consultant!! Whatever that is
Kids - Does a neice count?
Living arrangements - Spacious & homely
Most admired trait - Thats easy........... My "the sun is shinning through the rain" Attitude & of cos the SMILE!!
Number of sexual partners - Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Overnight hospital stays - Once – Anemia, had a Blood transfusion.
Phobia - Men & Heights
Quote - I have two
1) Albert Calmus – “In the depth of winter, I finally realized that there is in me, an invisible summer”
2) Marcus Aurelius – “Because a thing seems difficult, do not think it impossible”
Religion - Christianity
Siblings - 4 brothers & 4 sisters. And please don’t ask!
Time I usually awake - Anytime from 5:30 a.m.
Unusual talent - I can laugh through a storm
Vegetable I refuse to eat - Broccoli ( That’s a shrub!)
Worst habit - I am so finicky about my hair
X-rays - None yet
Yummy foods I make - Fish Stew
Zodiac sign - I think Sagittarius

May 23, 2006

Moving on

Should I return the call? That's the question on my mind. I had promised myself that I wouldn't find excuses to call, text or see Junior for any reason whatsoever.

In truth, I have kept my word. But what do I do when he sends the messages? Should I ignore them? But why when we didn’t have a fight or anything close. It's just that I believe that the first way to let my mind heal and get used to being without him, is to keep some distance between us at least for now.

So why is the process taking so long. I don't get it. I used to be pretty good at this. Moving on!!! Blanking out!!! It used to be so easy but now I seem to be struggling with that very basic concept.

Some days are great until a text or some form of communication.

Do I want to get back with him? Yes. No. I don't know!
Will I get back with him? Unlikely!

So why is this an issue?

I definitely have a traitor within me. A part of me that doesn't want to severe emotional ties. The more I force it, the more resistant it gets. So I gave up and told myself it will happen one way or another.

There's some truth in it that perhaps, on some level I am reluctant to move on. I don't know why but I know that if I truly wanted to get up and get going, I would have done so a long time ago & so fast that the dust would have long settled.

Still, I caution myself to take it easy & not push it just for the sake of moving on. Give myself room to get ready and be better or else I'll just be running around in circles. I know I have accepted the facts but sometimes the heart is a little slow. I am taking it one day at a time and I know this too will pass.

And perhaps, Junior will not be the last man I love! (I got that line from a movie)

But when the phone rings, it's my heart that gets there first.

May 16, 2006

Good Movie

MI3 was actually quite impressive. Half way through the movie I thought "this is even more tech than the MI1". There is no doubt that Tom Cruise is fantastic as far as action genre's go! He did good.

Overall, very convincing performance but too bad the ratings are not as grand because it is worth every Naira spent and even more.

May 12, 2006

Mission Impossible

I am going to watch MI3 today with friends. Miss A told me this morning that the film didn't make as much money as expected but $47M?? I think thats cool for any movie. Anyway the ratings seem good especially with Tom Cruise's dwindling fondness in the hearts of loads of Americans & even Nigerians (based on conversations at work & at home).

I think his divorce with Nicole Kidman really left us with a very very bad taste. I invited a colleague to come along with me & she said a very unhesitant NO!

I really don't blame her. "Vanilla sky" didn't do it for alot of us and even his good looks couldn't help our understanding of the plot. Tfaj says it was stupid. I slept through "Collateral". "War of the worlds" I liked but mainly because of Dakota Fanning. She's so great to watch at such a young age too. She alway comes across as real, carries her roles beautifully and she may just be 9 or is it 11 but to me she is one of the best.

Oh well, thats how it has been for our man Tom and unfortunately the whole Katie Holmes thing just seemed too staged and too over board. I guess for one she really has no precedence but then again we have seen through the man & we know how he schemes with eyes wide shut as well as his history to kiss and tell.

Miss A reminded me this morning of the Oprah show where he was jumping on the couch! Good grief!! Thats acting if you ever saw any. She also believes he controls Katie too as she doesn't seem to do much of her own talking. I must admit she seems fragile, and gullible and does come across looking like a victim which may be so far from the truth. Poor Tom!.

Bottom line; The TomKat saga did nothing to inspire affection towards the couple nor did it help his efforts to win back a place in the hearts of lost fans. (That is if that was the plan) At least not Tfaj who says he grew annoyed with all the hype.

On second thoughts, who am i to judge? He might just be another average Tom who has made mistakes, now falls in love with a new girl and just wants to move on enthusiastically with all the attention fame can afford.

Hmmm....................so Tom might be engaged in a personal "Mission Impossible" but for me, all i know for certain is this: I love the whole "Mission Impossible" series. All the action, intrigue, gadgets, plots, psychos, special effects, drama e.t.c and of course the Good looks too!!!

You have to admit, he is very easy on the eyes!

In The Beginning........

Finally, I blog!!

For a while, I have been meaning to write in my blog. Somehow, I was just convinced that I wouldn't find the right words, probably won't express it right, be too glib or perhaps be quite intense! Hmm.......... Anyway, although i am still not sure that I have found them yet but I'm more willing to explore, hopefully have fun and possibly learn more about myself in the process.

And truly, is there really a right or wrong way?? Unfortunately that's so me in the not too far past. I see life in Right or wrong. Black or white. Big or small. Up or down. However, I'm learning that in reality, life is not only about absolutes. There are colours, shades and sometimes even hues and now I am so willing to explore all of that and of course take my self less seriously!

So here I go to undoubtedly the beginning of an Unveiling of the true person that I am, will be and can be!