Moving on

Should I return the call? That's the question on my mind. I had promised myself that I wouldn't find excuses to call, text or see Junior for any reason whatsoever.

In truth, I have kept my word. But what do I do when he sends the messages? Should I ignore them? But why when we didn’t have a fight or anything close. It's just that I believe that the first way to let my mind heal and get used to being without him, is to keep some distance between us at least for now.

So why is the process taking so long. I don't get it. I used to be pretty good at this. Moving on!!! Blanking out!!! It used to be so easy but now I seem to be struggling with that very basic concept.

Some days are great until a text or some form of communication.

Do I want to get back with him? Yes. No. I don't know!
Will I get back with him? Unlikely!

So why is this an issue?

I definitely have a traitor within me. A part of me that doesn't want to severe emotional ties. The more I force it, the more resistant it gets. So I gave up and told myself it will happen one way or another.

There's some truth in it that perhaps, on some level I am reluctant to move on. I don't know why but I know that if I truly wanted to get up and get going, I would have done so a long time ago & so fast that the dust would have long settled.

Still, I caution myself to take it easy & not push it just for the sake of moving on. Give myself room to get ready and be better or else I'll just be running around in circles. I know I have accepted the facts but sometimes the heart is a little slow. I am taking it one day at a time and I know this too will pass.

And perhaps, Junior will not be the last man I love! (I got that line from a movie)

But when the phone rings, it's my heart that gets there first.